When it comes to our attitude and mood, the bad news is you are the sole proprietor of your state of mind.
It’s so much easier to blame someone else for our bad mood or lack of self esteem. The truth is, mood, self esteem, happiness, our sense of worth… they’re intangibles that exist only inside our cranium. Whatever we’re thinking or feeling belongs to us. We are the mood we’re in. It’s our mood, created by our wonderfully imaginative brain.
Blaming Others Is Actually Showing Disloyalty To Ourselves
Blaming someone else for the way we’re feeling is really a form of disloyalty to ourselves. Although it may feel good to absolve ourselves of responsibility for something that we find uncomfortable or unpleasant, it also robs us of the opportunity to create a different experience for ourselves.
Getting Rid Of Unhelpful Thoughts
There’s an old saying that goes something like this: You can’t stop birds from landing in the tree, but you can prevent them from nesting there. That’s the way it is with negative thoughts. We may not be able to eliminate them, but we can stop ourselves from dwelling on them. A good way to start is by learning to examine thoughts and identify them as helpful or unhelpful. One quick way to do this is to look at sentence structure. Here’s an easy one:
Ann makes me so nervous.
Assuming Ann doesn’t possess super powers, it really isn’t possible for her to make us nervous. That phrase isn’t helpful and it isn’t telling the whole truth. Could it be more helpful to say that we feel nervous when we’re with Ann and then decide if there’s an underlying belief that’s getting in the way? Or maybe we could go ahead and admit we simply don’t like Ann and find ways to limit our contact. But let’s drop the belief that it’s Ann who is creating the feeling.
In One Minute To Change Your Mood, Cheryl Cattarin writes:
If you want to change your mood, you will need to change your questions. You can try any of these, and within a minute you will have changed your mood.
She suggests asking ourselves one of these questions:
- “Why do I feel so happy?”
- “why do I feel so peaceful?”
- “Why do I feel so blessed?”
- “Why do I feel like laughing?”
What mood do you choose for yourself today?